There’s a lot to catch up on these last few months. The emotional rollercoaster, difficult choices and decisions to be made that effects the family and our future. Just thinking about it feels overwhelming still. Right now, I’m just dealing with one aspect at a time. The new job.

I started waking up at 3 am and almost every hour after that until I finally got out of bed at 5:30 am. Some time to connect with the hubby to calm my nerves and next thing you know it’s 6:40 am and it’s a hurry to get ready. Problems start right away

• Presto card not where it’s supposed to be. I’ll need to buy a new one and add money. This adds time to get to work
• Dress rips as I put on my shoes. It’s a mad dash upstairs to get a new one after all my careful planning to just grab whatever dress that’s hanging.
• Can’t find the beautiful and stylish long coat I was planning to wear. Settle on the black coat that needs a cleaning. Which in the end I wish I didn’t bring.
• Reached the GO train just as the guardrails go down and the ding-ding-ding warning starts. I still go into the hut to try and buy a card to pay. 1 lady is helping a customer. The other is on the phone. Fak!
• Grabbed a purse that I thought had my make up bag. Nope!
• Went to buy some makeup to just even out my skin and have a more polished look. First impressions and all that. I couldn’t find my bank card. I took it out to buy a Presto card then ran to make train. Cashier waiting as I frantically dig through my purse. Thankfully had a couple bucks in my pocket.
• Forgot my charger and power bar. My phone battery sucks! Also forgot headphones so now I can’t be in my own world while I commute. So even though it’s an extra expense that I shouldn’t incur, I buy a charging cable and a cheap pair of headphones from Shoppers.

My feet hurt so much I want to cry. I wore heeled boots for fashion. First day impression. Now I can feel my feet swelling. Ugh. Of course the train is packed and I have to stand. I’m sweaty af since I have on a tank (trying to smooth out the belly in this format fitting dress), dress, blazer, coat, and scarf. Fak! I see a big guy start walking through and “excuse me” his way through the masses. Duck it! I ride his coattails and follow right behind. It’s still not easy. So many people standing in aisles and sitting on the steps, but they move for him and I’m right behind. We go through several cars of miserable faces staring at their phones or sleeping, I’m sweating as if I’m running a marathon and not just wearing too much and carrying my big scarf and have bag, when suddenly like an oasis in a dry dessert I see a spot! Trail blazer guy is too big to sit in the foursome of seats at the top corner level, but I’m not. Finally some benefits of being petite.

Over all a good day. Very welcoming and positive environment. The onboarding is night and day compared to my last gig. I feel like I made the right choice in leaving the toxic environment that poisoned my self-confidence. One day at time. Hopefully I’ll still feel this way next week too!

DIET DAYS: day 1

As a supplement to my first day, I figure I’ll try again with getting healthier. Starting with intermittent fasting and healthier lunches.

I didn’t plan on intermittent fasting, but since the morning was rushed, I didn’t have any food in the morning. Thankfully packed lunch the night before. Did some meal prep with

• Boiled 4 eggs
• Roasted 4 peppers sliced up
• Roasted 1 sweet potato sliced up

So, lunch was a salad of spinach/coleslaw/romain topped with some of the meal prep stuff and a heaping teaspoon of Ceasars dressing. I ate snacks of 2 snack size hummus dip with baby carrots on the ride home. The downfall is they offer several types of free cookies at work (I snacked on 5), people have bowls of Halloween chocolates (I had 2 oh Henry’s), and the delicious coffee (to which I had 2 cappuccinos – one with 2 packets of raw sugar). Some good. Some not so good. Day 2 will have the same lunch. Hopefully I can control myself on the snacks and condition myself to like black coffee. I doubt it. I figure a latte or cappuccino provides the calcium I need for my bones 😂