Kidney Failure / Mom Badge / self love / The Grind / Till death do us part - We're Married

Covid Pandemic – A week in the life of a working caregiver wife and mom


It’s been an exhausting 7-days. Just trying to purge the overwhelming feelings. I feel like I have been holding my breath waiting for it to get better. Now that the water is running and the dialysis machine has been serviced I feel thought I would feel like a weight has been lifted. I don’t feel it. I’m hoping blogging the dread away will help clear my mind and heart.

History:

Monday – does dialysis
Tuesday – off
Wednesday – no dialysis, stomach pains

The crazy begins:

Thursday – water stops working in the house. No dialysis – 3rd day in a row. Let the anxiety and stress begin.
Friday
  • call town
  • town comes to house and says it’s the water softener and we need a plumber
  • call plumber they can come Saturday
  • call hospital for franklin to go down to do dialysis since it’s been so many days since his last dialysis run and the toxins are building and the water is not being fixed today
  • hubby leaves (it’s 8am)
  • I log into work, start getting kids up
  • Boy 2 has a call at 9-10, so we’ll go over to my parent’s place after
  • Thinking…thinking…wait! I have a call at 10-11:30. let’s go NOW!
  • RUSH RUSH 8:30
  • put your clothes on! dress the baby!!
  • i have to pack up my work stuff
  • pack some food to feed them later
  • loudly rush them into the car
  • use my phone so boy 2 can take his meeting in the car,
  • download app!
  • can’t login 😦
  • ugh, just give me the phone. I pull over
  • no data. turn it on and start driving
  • kids laughing at the meeting as the other kids start doing their DPA. i tell them to be quiet and pay attention
  • “i’m on mute, so it’s ok mom”. ugh…
  • get to dads and just yell directions
  • boy 2 – go log into the computer
  • boy 1 – help bring in baby
  • hi dad! (he happened to be outside)
  • i carry my box of stuff because my work phone is blowing up
  • we all settle in….whew!
  • do the green P for hubby’s parking
  • I have back to back calls, the internet is not the greatest with all of us on it
  • Kids are starving and I try to cook and listen for my name on the call
  • Franklin gets a call that the plumber can come today
  • He rushes home after dialysis to be there for the plumber.
  • They send a water heater guy. NO help.
  • i have a 1.5 hour call that turns into 3 hours and no one can make out what i’m saying because i’m crazy laggy
  • A plumber will come tomorrow

Saturday

  • Plans to go visit the brother by 12 are delayed until plumber
  • Plumber confirms water softer issue and likely let pellets and such through the pipes. He clears all the faucets. Doesn’t want to touch the dialysis machine
  • He leaves. We’re happy to have running water again
  • Call hospital to advise of updated situation and have them send someone up to fix dialysis machine
  • they say the plumber should have cleared the line
  • if they send a plumber up we will have to pay
  • call to have plumber come back. they cannot send someone until Tuesday. more fucking in-centre dialysis on Monday now
  • Meh – can’t do shit all about it now. We go pick up dad, son, and on our way to my brother’s place (which isn’t super close, but we love spending time with him and he’s worth the drive)
  • it’s a beautiful day of laughs, canoeing, food and family

Sunday

  • Franklin is exhausted and sleeping in
  • I plan to make sticky rice for dinner for my dad, brother and his wife, and my crew. Start soaking the dried chinese mushrooms, black fungus, water lilly, etc
  • we get a text to come play cards now
  • gather up the sticky rice, lap cheunrng, pan, soaked veggies, chicken
  • go hang out and play cards, cook, and eat
  • another great day of laughs, food and family

Monday

  • Hubby goes down to the hospital
  • do the green P for hubby’s parking
  • We are all home taking our different calls
  • putting baby in front of the t.v. and dealing with the working mom guilt
  • work is just blowing up as the other two are busy and I must log, troubleshoot, coordinate with different departments, follow up and support the pilot users during our hardware and software rollout
  • just trying to keep my head above water, but i’m drowning

Tuesday

  • Plumber is scheduled to come between 2pm – 6pm
  • This phucker calls at 5:57pm
  • Miserable prick. He’s not rude, but not friendly by any means. grumpy and short with his responses
  • He clears the line!
  • Call hospital advise line is clear and if they can send someone up to service the dialysis machine as the R.O. is not working. The water is not reaching the water micro filtration system. Likely there’s debris in one or both carbon tanks
  • They will send someone tomorrow. Which is great, but all I can think of is it’s another shit show of a day on my own tomorrow
  • It’s 8:30 pm and I’m mentally and physically exhausted. Doesn’t help I’m waking up in the middle of the night and I’m having a hard time going back to sleep. I go to bed.

Wednesday

  • Hubby goes down to the hospital for dialysis
  • I’m feeling good. My Fitbit says I was asleep by 9:47!
  • I make pancakes
  • log into work
  • wake kids up
  • do the green P for hubby’s parking
  • besides supporting the pilot users, i am also doing my day-to-day stuff and also on a return-to-work project –drowning
  • dialysis tech comes
  • feed children lunch
  • work, work, work
  • dialysis tech gets it working!
  • 1.5 hours later, but just thankful it’s working and he doesn’t have to come back another day because he doesn’t have the part with him (because that’s happened before)
  • take notes of what hubby has to do a full chemical heat disinfection, etc.
  • extend time on the Green P parking
  • work, work, work
  • stay on top of kids school work stuff
  • hubby home, exhuasted
  • get take out for dinner

Thursday

  • hubby home (yeah!)
  • work, work, work
  • kids, kids, kids
  • get take out for dinner
  • feeling anxious if the dialysis run will work tomorrow. it should since machine has been cleared, but I’m still holding my breath. if it doesn’t work he will not have had dialysis since Wednesday. the home hemo clinic is closed on the weekend. he’d have to wait till Monday. it would be another 4 days and the toxins and liquid would go up again. the damage to his heart is already taking it’s toll. we cannot keep doing this.
  • blog
  • breath
  • go eat dinner…

Waiting to exhale….

Update:

I realise why I’ve been holding onto each day instead of just letting go and starting afresh. I have to remember what the dialysis/water situation has been so I can recount it incase this goes south and he doesn’t get enough dialysis. Always having to remember when was the lat full run. Is he under dialysised? Do i have to push to get him into a clinic to get him dialized and recount why it is urgent to get him a spot and not wait until the next day or next week.

I appreciate the reflection blogging has helped me achieve. Now I pray everything goes back to routine and this headache I’ve been getting everyday can go away.

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