When Covid-19 started I was worried like most people about food.  I wanted to make sure I had enough food to feed my family.  We didn’t hoard food (not enough money or space), but we did buy a case of water, eggs, bags of chips, cheese, bread, milk, batteries, cookies, wine, fruits, veggies, and meats.  It was frenzied in the store.  It was like our normal groceries, but with more snacks.   I was still going to work, so day-to-day life hadn’t changed.  When the kids started March break, I was still going to work because we were saving the vacation days for summer break, back to school in September and Christmas/New Years.  But, things were changing every day.  They announced that school would be closed for 2 weeks after March break.  That’s 3-weeks and I know Franklin would not be able to handle it.  Corona virus was getting real.

As I went into the office the week after March break my anxiety was rising.  Everyday there was less and less people on the GO train.  With each passing stop my anxiety was rising.  The usually packed parking lots were empty.  I could count how many cars there were.  And when I finally got into the office I noticed many people at work were starting to work from home.  I trained 3 out of 5 days and by day 4 I planted seeds that I wanted to work from home.  I had an elderly parent, a baby and children (one with asthma) and a hubby with end stage renal failure.  All high risk.  I was fearful that I could bring home something that may make them sick.  And I couldn’t risk that.

During that week we got a call about putting in the order for the dialysis supplies.  That’s when I realized I’ve missed the most important thing above food.  My husbands medical supplies that will keep him alive.  I told him to see if he could order extra.  We don’t know how long this will be.  Even with a whole bedroom dedicated to house all the supplies he needs, we can only hold 2 months worth.  So, it’s not like we can double up anyway.  Somethings are out of our control and we will have to wait and see, that’s what I tell myself.

We get a call that the delivery will still be coming, but the delivery person cannot bring the supplies upstairs.  And if anyone is sick, they will not deliver at all.  That is where my real fear started to build.   What if they don’t deliver?  Thank God no one was sick so at least we can still get the delivery at this point.  They were willing to bring into the house and not just leave it on the porch, so that helped.  Some of those boxes are crazy heavy.   We cleared the front hall and had him stack it there.  We carried up what we could and left the rest.  It’s not ideal, but it is what it is and I’m thankful we have supplies.  My deep seeded fear is that they will not deliver anymore.  I don’t know where we will be at that point.   The what if’s are building up.  What if I lose my job?  What if I can’t pay the bills?  What if my kids get sick?  What if my dad gets sick?  What if my husband gets sick? What if they don’t deliver supplies anymore? What if this goes beyond their guess of 3 weeks?

Today we have supplies.  Today he can still do dialysis at home.  Today everyone I know is healthy.  Today we have food.  Today is still a good day. 

For those who have to go into the hospital or clinic to do dialysis 3 times a week read the article by the Kidney Foundation to find out tips on Staying Safe During Dialysis and the Covid19 Outbreak.