2020 - new decade. new me / Kidney Failure / The Grind / Till death do us part - We're Married

Overloaded – Him

Just want to get down the dates, just in case I need to refer back. The anxiety, worry, fear and stress is a combination I know all too well. He last did dialysis Monday. Today is Friday. For anyone who knows dialysis, this is not good.

  • Monday – dialysis
  • Tuesday – off day
  • Wednesday – didn’t get on.
    stomach problems
  • Thursday – didn’t get on.
    machine break. Paged dialysis tech with machine’s error codes. They are to come up Friday to fix.
  • Friday morning – having hard time breathing. Visibly physically puffy from all the built up toxin build up and water retention

I am still under three months probation at the new job and I am supposed to sit in on some important training where they flew in the vendor, but at the end of the day none of that matters. I need to be here for my family. Franklin tells me to just go to work and he’s lying in bed in the dark and all I can hear is his laboured breathing at 5:37 am. I stare into the darkness and I contemplate what to do. But with each breath he tries to take it’s crystal clear. I tell him that he needs dialysis sooner than later. Like now. He says he doesn’t know what to do. He’s not thinking clearly.

My vulnerability speaks to him instead of my anxiety. I still need you. We are already in an urgent situation. You are so overloaded that you are having a hard time breathing. This is putting too much stress on your heart. And your heart is not great. If the water gets into your lungs or heart we are fucked. And it’s not only about the liquid in your body, it’s the rising potassium and toxins in your body. I don’t want you to have a heart attack. This time it could be fatal. I still need you. It was enough for him to change his mind. So by 6 a.m. I am emailing work and he is getting dressed.

I’m going to be home with the kids since they have a PA day, I will be waiting for the tech to fix the machine oh, and it will be my turn to do dishes this weekend. Sounds like a great way to spend a day off of work. That’s sarcasm if anybody can’t read between the lines.