I get up too early. Since I’m in the training room today I can catch a later train. Since I didn’t meal prep on the weekend I go and make the days feed bag:
- Omlete – 1 onion chopped and carmalized, 2 slices of kalbasa chopped into small pieces so it’s like I have a lot, 2 handfuls of spinach, 8 grape tomatoes, 1 egg + egg whites
- Hummus snack dip and bag of baby carrots
- Small Greek vanilla yogurt
- Packet of plain oatmeal
Next thing I k ow I’m running late and it’s a mad fash to get ready.
- Straighten hair
- Pack lunch
I make it with 5 minutes to spare. W00t! Yah me! I wear a thin jacket because I barely walk outside in this weather and I get so hot wearing a heavy coat on the train and walking to/from the office. My shawl doubles as an awesome warm stylish scarf.
When I get to work I remembered we have the department’s lunch at the Keg. Yum! Now I don’t have to deal with lunch for tomorrow! W00t! The other trainers definitely want steak. It’s a steakhouse ffs. My strategy is to see what the boss orders and order accordingly. But my immediate boss orders a chicken burger. Ugh. But her boss orders a prime rib. My colleague orders the prime rib. I am bold and order the new York strip. It’s only $1 more than the prime rib at $38. I could be paranoid, but I could swear I see boss lady eyeball my lunch option with judgement. Then I feel guilty and ashamed for ordering it all afternoon. I teeter between
- Guilt for crossing the taboo of ordering the most expensive thing on the menu at a company function
But at the end of the day, it’s been eaten and I can’t do shot about it now, so although I feel guilty I try and ignore the voice. I thought I stopped caring, but went on about it to the hubby when I got home. He told me the same thing I’m trying to tell myself. Just enjoy. I don’t know why I can’t “just enjoy” these days. I feel guilty about everything. I’m not there for the kids as much. I miss the summer of being home with them. I haven’t bought anything for myself except work clothes when I started this new gig. I want to buy something frivolous, but always seem to spend on kids or practical shit for the family. Boring! I missed being a young, hot badass who goes out and not giving a shit. Responsibilities make me give a shit. I cannot get fucked up and stay out all night until whenever doing whatever. I got kids and need to be up in the morning. Go out and just have fun. But it’s not the same. Getting older ad having young children …..the other side of the coin. Is this what a mid-life crisis feels like? Where’s some hot young man to flirt with?? 😂 Hubby did cut his hair yesterday and thankfully got rid of the “long” hair.
When I got home hubby made a tasty roast pork tenderloin. M washed the rice and put it in the cooker, but forgot to add water. He knows to wash it, but I usually fill it and plug it in. He never saw that step. So, he wished and cooked it right this time. He’s learning 😂. Sister-cousin came over for a bit. We all ate together, but past 7pm. I wasn’t really hungry after all that steak at lunch, but I still had 1/2 cup rice, some meat, and steamed veggies. If hubby and son going to cook I want to try it. By 8:30 though I kick her out and start the bed routine – shower, teeth, face, baby. I’m so tired. It’s the early wake up. I can do it, but I need to get a nap in or something this weekend.
I didn’t eat until 11 am, but I did eat past 7pm until 8:30 pm. I’m mot going to adjust my time tomorrow morning. See you tomorrow at 11am oatmeal with granola.