I wanted to give a quick update because I want to give respect for things that are due.
I could not go on without addressing the work-from-home (WFH) situation. I couldn’t keep burying my head and leaving the hubby in such rough shape to fend for himself and the kids. I was going to speak to her about it earlier, but word on around the water cooler was it would be challenging as it is frowned upon. Not one, but FOUR different people at various levels on the team said the same thing. I couldn’t believe it. It was a factor of why I joined the new gig. I was sold that it was part of the corporate culture and they had policies in place to faciliate WFH. I communated my requirements on this throughout the interview process with HR. Feeling so discouraged I figured I’d wait until the end of the probationary period and force the issue. But, like i said before, I couldnt bury my head anymore. My husband is suffering. He needs help. I ask boss-lady if we could speak as I had a timely personal matter to discuss. I don’t know how the dam broke, but as soon as I mentioned that I had to share my husband’s health issues with end-stage renal disease (ESRD) and i needed to WFH to help tears filled my eyes. I turned away. I don’t mind sharing Franklin’s health status as I want to share information and demystify dialysis/ESRD, but it was feeling vulnerable and weak because of it. I don’t need anyone’s pity. I can do my job. I don’t want anyone to think less of my capabilities because of my husband’s health. I hated myself for crying.
She was surprisingly supportive. She voiced that it must be a lot of pressure for me. I cried a more. I try to ignore what I have to deal with as it doesn’t compare (it never does) what he has to deal with. I let the stress build year after year and I’ve lost myself. It’s not healthy. I know. I’m just trying to keep from drowning in despair and just stay afloat on the appreciation of having my best friend, lover, confidant, punching bag….husband, with me. She points out the firm has support services my family may want to utilize. She shared how she used the service for hers. I truly appreciate her sharing that, supporting me from a work perspective with the WFH, but the emotional insight to see beyond my husband but to see me. She said I should have come to her earlier. True. She said “I hope you didn’t feel you couldn’t approach me to talk about this. To have waited so long”. Umm……
I see her in a new light. I approach the job with a new perspective. It’s been better in my mind since that conversation. It’s not perfect, but at least I don’t completely dread going in. It will get better.