I had grandiose plans of blogging my last baby journey. As exciting as all the baby’s firsts were, they were as equally heartbreaking as it is also mommy’s last first. Baby’s first – Mommy’s last first steps. Baby’s first – Mommy’s last first foods. I dread the day of our last breastfeeding session. The quiet time to bond and stare into each eyelash, breath in unison and share a loving moment like no other. Just writing this I’m tearing up on our mommy’s first day back to the commute, the grind and the freedom of being child free. I miss all my big and little men already.

Nothing much has changed in the commute. Many of the same dreary A.M. faces looking for seats, sleepers in the courtesy seats who don’t look up when they pull into a station to see if they need to give up their seats, the sun trying to break through and the make up ladies. I figure I will join them since I haven’t mastered my timing to do my makeup before leaving the house. I spent the extra time with morning cuddles, straightening my hair, finding my new dress and shoes, accessorizing, putting my phone, tablet, yarn & hook, Presto card, and headphones into my purse. As I run out the door I mentally note that i need to pack lunch, make some overnight yogurt and oatmeal parfaits, and prep my to-go coffee container the night before. I had many prep for the week plans on the weekend. But instead we did an all day pool party, went out for breakfast, laundry, dishes, grocery shopped, chauffeur duties to activities and even a meeting to discuss future stuff. Could more have been done? Probably, but when hubby needs some recoup time after doing his job of dialysis, I need to make stuff to bring to the pool party, baby duty – bath, diapers, nap, food, breastfeed, etc., groceries, dishes, laundry, feeding the masses AND trying to keep my sanity, somethings just need to take a back seat.

As I open my purse, the first fail hits me. I forgot my makeup. Ugh! I look great, but a polished look would be the finishing touch with my black and white dress with gold accents, red accessories and purse, straightened hair and kick ass attitude.

Let’s see how the rest of the day adds up. For now, it’s the familiar GO train tunes.