The year has gone by in a blink of an eye.  When I first came home with my beautiful baby, I wanted to hold onto every minute.  I may not experience this again.  The tiny baby.  The new baby smell.  Even the crazy newborn feeding schedule.  It is bittersweet to leave it all behind as I prepare to join the working world again.  Do not get it twisted.  Being a stay-at-home parent is work.  Even if by some lottery miracle they are both sleeping at the same time, there is still dishes, laundry, toy clean up, floor sweep and mop up, and husband and wife catch up time.

I am a little scared.  Maybe not scared, but more anxious.  Or just plain old worried.  Worried that kids will adjust to the routine.  My oldest does not want me to go to work.  Broke my heart.  He said that Daddy should go I stay home.  I am sure my husband would prefer that too.  But, with his sporadic health and dialysis, it is not going to work right now.  I accepted that a long time ago.  I just hope that my little one will not cry too much.  That the kids eat.  My parents and Franklin will have patience.  That my kids will be happy, respectful, and well taken care of.  They will be.  I hope.

This is so different then the first time.  The first time I was ready to go back.  This time I am, but it tugs at my heart more.  I really enjoy my job.  I have a great boss who is supportive and acknowledges a job well done.   I know all moms who go back to work have to face this hurdle.  The guilt of leaving them to go to work.  I know I am doing what must be done.  Earning more money for opportunities for them.  It is a dual income world out there these days.  And I am doing what I can.  I will have to hug them extra when I get home.

I finally got a text package added on to my mobile.  Hello 21-st century. LOL.  I got it so I can text The Husband a million times a day so he can send me pictures, let me know how they are doing at their activities, how he is feeling, etc.  I do not know about other people’s husbands, but mine does not want to talk 5 times a day.  And if we do talk, it is usually not very long.  Mine is just not a chatter box.  But, we have been known to email each other.  And they can be filled with more emotion and animation then I get over the phone.  We will see how this new medium takes our communication with each other.  Now to text everyone about mundane stuff.  Hope they are ready!

I did not get a chance to pick up new make up.  I did pick up new shoes and pantyhose, so at least tomorrows outfit is set.  Sort of.  Still do not know what I am going to do with my hair nor what jacket, if any, to wear.  Trying to get the kids ready tomorrow is going to be crazy.  I can not find my ipod nor ds, so not sure what the hell I am going to do on my 1-hr train ride.  Can not sleep because I can not get it out of my head about stressing about my hair, outfit, children, commute, make up, everything and anything.

ARRGGH!  At least it is out of my system.  Blogging is so cathartic.   Now to go try to sleep.

Good Night.