Did you get the beats when you were little? Or did you stand in the corner? When I say ‘beats’ I don’t mean abuse. Abuse is WRONG. I don’t mean closed hands, bleeding, or broken bones. I mean discipline. Don’t get it twisted. If you are hurting your children you need to stop immediately and get help.
How Franklin’s parents raised him was definitely different than how I was raised. Also, the dynamics were different. I was the only girl and my brothers were 9+years older.
When I was young until my early teens it would be the beats. Anybody else get hit with a Chinese feather duster? At first I would get hit until I cried. Then I would cry right away to try and lesson the blows. ha! What was just evil was when I had to go get it so she could hit me with it. \I am not alone who received this type of beats. They have a group on FB for this. My mom was the disciplinarian. Well, they both were, but my mom was the one who doled out the punishment since Dad worked outside of the house. Then when I got older, I would like to categorize it as |Asian guilt. The shame of not honouring your parents and being a good girl. You know. Why a B grade and not an A? My parents were not mega strict. I mean, the expectations were there, but after a certain age, they gave me the freedom to make choices. Sometimes they were the right ones. Sometimes not. But, they gave me the guidance in my younger days. And when I got older, I had to decide.
Now, as Marcus is testing his limits, I am in a position of disciplining him. No feather duster here. We do do the time outs. Then get down to eye level and talk about why he was put in time out. By the third time of telling him not to flick his brother, he might get a ‘tap’ on the hand. It’s funny in a ‘oh no you didn’t’ kind of way when you tell him not to do something, then he’ll try and do it when you are not looking. But, of course as a parent you have a spidey sense and you watch him out of the corner of your eye as he looks to see if you are watching while he touches his brother one more time.
Sometimes he is stubborn. He really feels like he is justified in doing ABC and doesn’t understand why he can’t. He’ll try and make deals. “Mom, we’ll just eat one more candy, then diaper, teeth, books, go to bed. Deal?” Well, good on you son. You don’t give up and you try and negotiate what you want. You’re not going to get it, but you try. Good job. Well, you can have it tomorrow. Hopefully you’ll forget about promised candy. Yeah right 😛
We’ll help guide him to make the right choices and steer him back on the path with the ‘right’ discipline. He’ll make mistakes. I prefer to call them life lessons. He’ll push the boundaries, but we’ll still set them to let him know what is ‘acceptable’. Then when he has a choice to make and we’re not there to give him a time out, hopefully he’ll make the right choice.
Do you have any childhood memories of being disciplined by your parents? Please feel free to share a memory of you being disciplined or you disciplining your kids.
Check out Parent or Friend or Both post too